SHIFTING GEARS

I'm already done with my driving lessons' 2nd session. I have five 2-hour sessions, 3 more to go.

My assessment: I don't enjoy driving! I'm just too stiff and tense. I'm scared that I might bump into someone else's car. So far though, there's been no casualty. Phew. And my ass hurts from all the driving.

Anyways, I have no other choice but to get through this alive. God, help me!

TRUTH OR DARE

10.12.09

I’m never ever playing DARE ever again!

A 6th NYP batchmate of mine, Arnie, visited Cebu for the weekend for a wedding. He texted me last Saturday if we could meet up but since I partied the night away last Friday, I decided to avoid any further ramblings from my parents and stayed at home. Eventually we then decided to finally meet up on a Monday night [which was today] before he leaves for Manila the morning after.

We met at Ayala, and coincidentally Ronah and Borge were there. So they joined us for the night. Had dinner in Dessert Factory and walked around the Terraces till Ronah decided to go home. The three of us on the otherhand decided to go get us some drinks in Mango where we ended up ultimately in Doce.

Ordered this one particular drink contained in a glass pitcher and Arnie then suggested wed play this game of truth or dare. We had to create a criteria, for example, ‘songs by Mariah Carey’, and each one of us have to mention one. The one who blanks out or repeated an answer, loses. Each one of us had a shot glass and losing would mean choosing truth or dare while drinking a shot. From start until the pitcher was empty all we chose was truth. Questions were ALL sex related! Hehe!

Well anyways, since noone chose dare, Borge and Arnie agreed that we continue playing the game 3 times and the loser had no other choice but to accept a dare. I was against it, but I had no choice, I was outnumbered.

1st game, Arnie lost. The dare: Ask the name of the cute foreigner right across our table. Mission Completed in record time, the foreigner’s name was Joel from London.

2nd game, Borge lost. The dare: Ask Joel, if he and his friend were straight, bi, or gay. Mission Completed, they were both straight. Joel then approached our table and asked us if we were all gay. We just laughed. Hehe

3rd game, I lost. The dare: Go to an area in Mango and do a monologue + interaction with the people around. My say, I didn’t want to do it. And so they made another dare: Go to Joel’s table and talk with them for 1 minute. I was panic-stricken! I just didn’t know what to do! It took them a really really really long time to convince me to do the dare but eventually I did it.

“Hi, can I sit down with you guys?”, my introduction line. Their reactions were confused, but they had no choice since I already sat down with them. I then proceeded on asking them a lot of questions, like how long are they staying here in Cebu, where have they gone to, etc. To be honest, though it was quite embarrassing, I had a good chat with Joel and Simon. They were really nice and I never really noticed that our conversation almost ran for 5 minutes already. I was engrossed with conversing with them. Haha! And have i mentioned that Joel was really cute? Hehe!

After we talked though, I went back to our table and was shocked that noone was there! I panicked again and walk out of the scene as if nothing was wrong. Apparently, Borge and Arnie were playing a new game of hide and seek! They showed themselves though after I passed by a couple of tables. Ugh.

The Ending. We walked from Mango to Ramos where Borge bade goodbye, then to Mcdo Jones. Arnie got in a cab and went back to where they were staying. I saw Daven and Te Dax and Krummy in Jollibee and chatted with them for awhile. Finally, went home tipsy.

Moral Lesson: I’m never ever playing DARE ever again!

MINNE

“I love you”, I uttered to him on our last fone conversation.. and he replied jokingly “I hate you”. I never thought, that would be the last time for us to talk. His “I hate you” still resonates in my thoughts, reminding me how awful our last conversation have been. An awful ending. I just never expected our fallout would be this bad.

Was it my fault? Maybe. To be honest, I was insecure. Insecure for a lot of reasons. One, physically, i was not there for him. Second, he still keeps in touch with his friend who he courted way back.

Was I overprotective? Was I possessive? Am I paranoid? Maybe. All I really wanted was assurance from him. Assurance that he’d continue to be loyal to me. It’s just that everytime we talk, I feel like I don’t get that from him. Even if he tells me that that particular person whom he courted is already in a relationship with someone else, I still can’t rely 100% on his word.

Is it that hard to trust? I don’t think so. In his case, it was difficult. Difficult because, lately he’s been giving me a lot of reasons to doubt if he was really true on his word. I can name all the petty things we’ve argued out of my jealousy but I think this one simple thing is valid enough to make me justify my jealousy.

I told him over and over again, that when it was time for us to talk, it’ll be only us and nothing else. On my part, I tried my best to pass out on things I loved doing, watching, playing, everytime we talk. I focused myself on him, on talking to him, on trying to make things work for us. On his part, I just hear the clicks and clacks from his keyboard and right then and there assume he was chatting with someone else. “Nagpapaturo lang ng farmtown”, he says. I mean, c’mon! Can’t he just put that aside for awhile and let that person wait till we’re done talking?!

It just annoys me. And what annoys me more, is that he is inconsistent. First he tells me his boss wants him to be his personal farmtown guru, then the next thing I knew, it was Andrew, the guy whom he courted, who was asking him to teach farmtown. P*tang Ina! Farmtown is not that hard to learn!!! What is he? STUPID? We’ll I’m not! It’s just sooo frickin’ wrong!

Now tell me, am I still wrong for feeling that way?

That night, on our last conversation. I told him to stop talking to me, not until he finish chatting with whoever it was he was chatting and he just said okay and dropped the call. He chose not to talk to me. After the call ended, I waited. I waited for him to call back, but he never did. It just stabbed me hard in the chest.

I waited and waited for a day till I couldn’t wait no more. I didn’t let my pride eat me up and be consumed by regrets. And so, I asked for his forgiveness. I told him two simple words, “I’m Sorry” and I got for a response two letters “NP”. He wasn’t even sorry for anything. That just did it for me. It left me wanting to shout, to curse, to throw something. I just needed an outlet to let my anger out. I was that simple for him to let go. Congratulations!

In a way, I feel blessed. This might be bitterness talking, but at the end of the day, I’m just thankful I didn’t end up with an insensitive person who is not true to his words.

I’m tired. As a Jennifer Love Hewitt’s song goes, “I’m getting jaded. No, I just can’t take it anymore!” Letting go, gave me two options, those were either a broken heart or being saved. This time around, I feel saved.

To Minne: I really did love you.

DELICIOUSLY WTF?!

And I don't mean 'watch this fall' which Yahoo! blog has cautiously captioned the show. I mean the real thing 'WHAT THE FUCK?!'

Yes Yes YES!!! The UpperEastsiders are back for another season! Gossip Girl Season 3's gonna premiere this September and I just can't wait to grab hold of the juiciest gossips, devious scandals, and of course the never ending catfights!

So if you have not been religiously watching the show, here's a quick recap on what just transpired in Season 2. Get up to speed bitches!

And so without further adieu, here's a teaser for Season 3.

Not enough huh? Things are getting a lot more interesting now. I'm pretty sure a lot of surprises are coming their way, so I'd better prepare myself so I won't get caught offguard.. again. hehe.. :]

Can't wait for September!!!

DATING SEASON [part II]

I can't seem to finish what i started writing days ago.
It's either I'm uninspired to write anything bout this matter, or it's not worth writing about anymore. Regardless, I have decided to scrap this entry out.

Instead, I'm going to give you an update.

I'm not making myself available to anyone anymore. I'm saving myself for someone who's worth the wait. He's one risk I'm very willing to take. He's making my life brighter and brighter each day.

I love him. I love you mahal ko. :]

SANDY'S HITCHED

It was all too sudden.
A best friend of mine just got married.

I was extremely shocked when she dropped in the news late last month. My mouth just dropped open and I just needed to get a glass of water and some air. After it sunk in, I asked her for details. It was quite funny though, because, according to her, she told me long ago, that she was knocked up, and I just didn't believe her. I really assumed it was just a joke. But yes, she is pregnant.

Janson and I as well as a few high school friends of hers were there to celebrate with her on her big day.
Well anyways, I'm just so happy for her and I wish her all the best on this new chapter of her life.

CONGRATULATIONS AMEGAH! ;]

DATING SEASON [part I]

Been idle from blogging lately.
I know, I know.. I have loads to write about, so prepare yourselves cause i'm going to give you a lowdown on what's been going on with my life right now. Starting with my complicated 'lovelife'. Hehe! ;p

Hmmm... Where to begin? I'ma start where i left off and that was with my X.
If you're wondering if I have seen him or talked with him after breaking it off, my answer is YES. And when I said, he will be completely out of my league, I meant it.. because at the time we saw each other again, I was already a licensed CPA and he was, well, ordinary. Still the same old slut I left.

Moving on, it was dating season for me.. again. haha! I started seeing someone who I knew of from way back. During that time he was still in Qatar, but recently he came back to Cebu and wanted to meet me. So I obliged, wouldn't hurt right? Well, I thought so too, but I was wrong. See, he never really told he was with someone that time we met. Apparently they just broke off that day when we were strolling around Ayala, eating deserts and having dinner together (while being followed for a short period of time by Mike and Fifi.. haha). Later that night, he saw two of his 'kababata' from Leyte and asked if we could tag along, so we did and eventually we ended up drinking gin at Mooon Cafe. Here's when everything unfolded. While chatting at this cafe, a bunch of same breed sat beside our table which made me a li'l bit uncomfortable. Then shortly after he, my date, was talking with them. He knew who they were, which made me even more uncomfortable. Good thing, his 'kababatas' were friendly, at least I wouldn't feel extremely out of place. By the time we left, I was shocked by what he told me. One of the guys who was at table beside us, was his boyfriend, who he just broke off with earlier that day! Talk about extremely shocked. I just wanted to get out of the place as fast as I could.

After that awkward moment, the two of us went to his place so he could change clothes, while his 'kababatas' went their separate ways. And to everyone who's being trying to push the idea that something happened between us while we were at his place, trust me, nothing happened! We just fixed his broken electric fan and I chatted with his boardmates. I'm no slut. I think it was already 1am when we left his bhaus and went to the club. And guess what, we bumped into his X again! Haha! But this time around, we were introduced and chatted for awhile. And we both realized that he (my date), was no good than the rest of them players. He was hovering over the club looking for someone to get his freak on with. Haha! Total waste of time, oh well at least I got to attend Rey Kyap's super delayed birthday celebration.

Anyways, I think that night pretty much ended anything that could have been between me and my date. We remain friends though, and still update each other every now and then. So at the end of the day at least I'm happy to say we remained friends. By the way, he's a gym instructor and I was surprised to see him one time teaching aerobics at the same gym where I am currently enrolled and I actually participated. Haha! It was so funny and awkward at the same time, but we totally had fun.

Okay, now I'm really sleepy and I have to get up early later to apply for a job. So I'd like to bid adieu, but mind you, this is just the beginning. There's more to come.. part II's on it's way. ;]

Toodles

A YEAR FROM NOW

You may have been through this at some point in your life.. I know I did.
This video touched me in so many ways.

A Year From Now



Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.

Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But will never see what we could have been.

Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.

I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?

I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.

So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember these things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.

But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.

I love you.
I miss you.
Please come back to me...

Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

12 ETERNALLY

April 23, 2009

THE PLAN
Give Krummy a birthday surprise! Since it was a workday, we decided to do it while they were having lunch. Just a simple birthday surprise, cake, balloons and our presence. We also needed someone from the inside to guide us through their workplace which was fabulously filled in by TamTam.

















THE AMBUSH MOMENT
Krummy's reaction! I'm glad the surprise worked out perfectly. Yiz indeedy! :]










THE ACCOMPLICE
TamTam, Krummy's officemate and really good friend. Who I texted and almost spoiled the surprise. Good thing, I made up this very convincing story just so I'd have a very very good reason texting her without Krummy suspecting a thing. It was about a guy named Rupert which coincidentally was the name of her cousin. Haha!

12 ETERNALLY

Krummy wants his age to be 12 forever. haha! Livin' in Neverland?! Anyhoo, regardless of age and years, Krummy will always be special to us, 'aint nothin' gonna break us apart. :] FOREVER

Btw, i had one picture story scrapped out from this post. It would have been appropriately captioned 'JOLINA'.. LOL! But i figured it wouldn't matter no more, the white rose 'M' gave was so much more relevant. Hehe. ;p

MUTE

technically challenged in using my webcam.. can't seem to include the audio for the video.. haha! tsk.. have to inquire from the masters.

Help me out here Krummy!



and oh, by the way.. try guessing the song i'm singing in this video... hahaha!

i look soo silly!

HE'S NOT SORRY

It's over. I broke up with him.
He was just not worth keeping.

Regrets, yes, i have them. I thought that maybe it was partly my fault. I decided to be in a relationship a little too soon. He liked me, I liked him, and we both just clicked. Maybe I got so consumed with the feeling of finally having someone to call mine that I just didn't mind to get to know him a little more. He just decided for the both of us to be in that relationship, and stupid me obliged.

Days passed, and we both hung out and I got to know more of him. He was funny, simple, super sweet but extremely 'baduy'. I mean come on, let's face it. When you take a guy out on a karaoke joint, and asks you to sing... "Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos" with conviction, how can that not wreak of absolute 'baduyness'?! Let's just say that if he was some other random guy, maybe it would've felt really awkward to be with someone who's completely my polar opposite. But no, I completely tolerated his 'baduyness'. Haha! Another thing which bothered me was, he was quite the PDA kind of guy. As what he told me, he wanted to let people around us know that we were an item and I am just not used to such public display of affection. Like for example, he steals kisses 'on the lips' every now and then even when we're in an extremely crowded place and it kinda worried me for the reason that some 'people', like friends of my parents or relatives might see us and report! That would mean only one thing, forced eviction!

Well anyways, considering those, I still liked him. I still wanted to be in what seemed to be an instant relationship. But of course, doubts started kicking in. Call me paranoid, but after awhile, after it sunk in that I was already taken, I felt like I needed some assurance. Assurance that we were both in this together, that noone else can come into the picture and ruin it. And I just didn't get it from him. I asked him lots of times, if I was the only one, and he tells me the same thing, that I was the only one, that he loves me, and blah blah blah. I tried to take his word but I just felt something was absolutely wrong. I asked my friends if I was being overly dramatic about it, to the point of being paranoid. Some agreed and told me to stop asking him for assurance, that maybe I was just adjusting to it. Some warned me to be careful, that a lot of guys just can't be trusted anymore, but I should just give it some time and see where it goes. And I followed the latter advice.

And so I gave it some time, and what convinced me even more was that when I was browsing channels on cable, I caught up with this movie on HBO and one character from that movie spoke something about not giving up easily on love. Argh! Talk about major false 'sign'. Well anyways, so still I didn't give up on us but I just knew that this time around I should not let my guard down and be cautious.

Days afterward, he and I were not seeing each other anymore, not because of this issue, but because both of us were busy (at least that was what he told me). He was trying to look for work while I was busy with my review. I did exert extra effort, I called him up just to know if he's doing fine, ask him how he was doing, tell him I love him, blah blah blah. For awhile, I thought we were alright, but days gone and still we did not see each other. Another thing, for those days, I felt like I was the only one reaching out to him. Then the day came when we were supposed to see each other, he was even the one who set the time and place. I remember that night pretty well, it was Earth Hour night, we we're supposed to meet up on the same place where we first met, but to my dismay, he didn't show up! I called him up and all he could say was that he got tired and just woke up at guess what, 6pm! I got so frustrated and what got me mad most was he wasn't even sorry about it.

And so, that started the downfall for us. I forgave him for that, and yes, I didn't let go. I held on to whatever it was I thought I could still save. But still, he made no effort and so one day I confronted him on the phone. I just blurted out all there was to tell him, what I felt, what's been bothering me, what's the real score. And then it just came out, I told him that if he has somebody else, let's just end this and get things over with, and he just replied 'sorry po'. That was the last draw! He was sorry he had an affair. He was sorry for being such a lying, cheating, son of a gun! And that was it, as calmly as I could, I told him to take care.

I just knew from the start he was inconsistent, as what I kept telling my friends whenever they ask me about him. But the thing was, I held on to someone not worth my time. Oh well, lesson learned. I'm just so happy that I know, I'm not the one at fault here. He chose to go that direction and now, honestly, I really don't care.

So to all you parasite b*tches out there, you can go ahead and feed on my leftover. And to my friends, feel free to punch, kick, stab him the moment you see him around. Haha! Kiddin'! But if you still want to do it, I really won't give a damn! hahaha!

This is just me, saying I'm not on the losing end here. So if he thinks he got the upper hand, he should guess again! Because I assure him, that by the moment we see each other again, I will absolutely make sure that he will feel completely out of my league. Take that 'BHE'!

REUNION OF SORTS

Been idle from blogging lately... I just can't conjure something interesting from my life lately. Seems like, I've been too busy with our on-going review, plus I needed to help our party out for the school elections.

With that being said, I'll just post snippets of what has been pretty much keeping me sane from my review for the past months.. :]



First up's Gilly's quick visit to Cebu from Singapore. She's kept it a secret from us for quite sometime that she's already been working in Singapore and for the longest time we've been missing each other. Unfortunately, the reason she came back was far from great news. So we did what we could to cheer her up. Dayday, Raye and I met up with her in Ayala for lunch and we shared a few laughs because Dayday's secrets unfolded c/o Dylan's e-mail.. haha! I wish we could've stayed longer though.. but Gilly had to prepare for her flight back. Well, anyways that was it. I wish to see my dearest friend again.



A few days after, Daphne came back to Cebu from China. She's been studying in China for almost a year now, and she's back for a couple of weeks of vacay. So, our group (my super solid college barkada) decided to meet up with her for dinner. The group was without Dali and Acee though, they're in Manila for work. Tsk. And the night went okay until the never ending Nykke-KJon drama started. We were terribly worried of Nykke who we barely could hear over the fone, crying, while we were having our dinner. Everything just calmed down after Nykke told us she's heading home. Tsk. So the night went on minus two people. We were also planning on an island hopping trip but our schedules are terribly conflicting. Tsk. Daph won't be back for quite sometime again. But hey, there's the internet.. hehe.. ;]



And finally, the last balik-bayan on the list, is non other than Sister Amy Lou. Yes, she's finally a nun now. We haven't seen her since our third year of college, after she went to Peru for her 'calling'. And I was just as excited as the rest of our classmates are in meeting her. We met up with her in Ayala, where we had our dinner together. I had so much fun! We we're constantly laughing because Aldrich was there and the rest of my block C barkada! And Amylou was just as good-natured as always. We had such a great time catching up on lost time but sister had to go early. Curfew.. sheesh! Well anyways, I'm guessing she's now praying for Aldrich's soul to go to the light! haha! kidding Drich! :]

That wraps up my reunion of sorts with my balik-bayan friends, college edition. haha! Till next time guys. Ta-tah! :]

MONARCLAMBS.MULTIPLY.COM

Why MonarC Lambs? Well, MonarC is taken from Mariah's record label under Island Records with its sole 2002 release "Charmbracelet." The name comes from Mariah's well-documented fascination with butterflies. The ceative capitalization emphasizes Carey's initials. And need I say more about "Lambs?" Of course, "lambs" refer to the Mariah Carey fans around the world.

MonarC Lambs aims to unite all Mariah Carey fans specifically in Cebu Philippines, the Visayas regional provinces and all over the world as well. It engages its members in contests, chats and other recreational activities, such as album release parties. Also, MonarC Lambs aims to promote Mariah Carey's music to its locality.

Interested in joining MonarC Lambs? You can sign sign up here.

I'M DONE PRETENDING

It was good while it lasted. I never thought he had an expiry tag attached. All I knew was, he made me so happy after the time when I thought I've lost myself.

Yes. I must admit i have been very vulnerable. I've been seeing quite a number of people. I've slithered away from my usual comfort zone and ventured to doing things a lot of friends presume i do, but don't. I started casually meeting people, you may call them dates but for me those were just random acquaintances. Just nothing serious. I just thought it was about time for me to start doing so. I just felt like I've confined myself for so long. I may have been a little impatient too. Though I've always believed someone out there's the right person for me, I felt the pressure that I needed to have someone special around. It prompted me to start exploring the possibilities but I just didn't know where to start and maybe got lost. So I guess i ended up looking for love in all the wrong places.

And then we found each other. Though he lives in Manila, it felt surreally like that of Jon McLaughlin's song "so far, we are.. so close". If anyone made me believe in love once more, it was him. He saved me from myself, from what i been placing myself into before he came. He made me realize that putting myself out for grabs by just some random guys was not what I really wanted. He was different from the rest. He wanted to protect me from people who'd pry at the slightest chance of weakness to exploit me.

He was not the kind of person, who was there to greet you morning noon and night. He'd give me just the right amount of compliments. He was really honest, sincere and open about everything. It was not hard for me to trust him.

From the start, he told me that he was with someone else but they we're currently in a very very rocky situation. And I told him, I didn't want to be dragged into their mess and he assured me that I won't. He even made the decency to ask me if i wanted some space, but I declined and told him we're okay. Maybe that was my mistake. I allowed myself to get too attached. But still, when you're in the situation, i think it would be really hard to resist something that makes you really really happy because he did give me that. I was high with happiness because of him.

I'd be crazy to say if we didn't have minor arguments. In fact, he even made me cry, because he once placed his anger on me one night when he had problems during that time. But he quickly turned everything around and made it all okay. That was the night when I told him I didn't want to lose him. And he told me I won't. But now, I just can't believe he left me singing another sad love song.

It got me thinking, do we really learn from our past mistakes, or are just hardheaded? I mean, we keep telling ourselves that we're not doing it anymore, but we keep falling for the same excuses, the same promises, the same damn lies. It really pains me, it been tearing my heart down for the past days that we've stop communicating. He left me just like that, without any explanations. We just stopped. What a way to start the new year huh? Broken-hearted.

Part of me want some answers from him. Was there a line I crossed? Was it something I said or didn't say? I just don't really know if it's me or him. I just don't know how it all became like this. I think I just need to be patient and just let everything pass. I need to stop pretending he must have a good explanation why all a sudden, this. Tsk. I have to get over it and just guess that he chose to blow it all out and watch everything fade. I just wished he told me earlier that he didn't want to love me.

I knew, he was just too good to be true. So now, i'm still going nowhere.
LOVE is HARD.