I'M JUST NOT THAT NUMB YET

3 days after..

i did what i had to do. i pushed him away.
one moment he was asking how i was, the next "cold mo ata sakin, sige, bye..."
pero after he said bye.. my heart just wasn't able to take it. I totally lost it and tried to stop him from leaving. by the end of our 5 minute conversation, i still ended up saying "i'm sorry". Ugh!

paramore-ish - "that's what you get when you let your heart win" and i got it bad.

now i feel like i'm the one on the losing end. i felt totally defeated awhile ago. how i wish i could write everything here to give you a clear idea of what happened pero i just can't. not now at least.

a lot of things may have changed between us. burning bridges is not my intention here. i'm just at the point of trying not to cross it to get to him or letting him pass to get to me.
i'm just not that numb yet.

why do we like to hurt so much???