I CAN HONESTLY SAY

Consider this my farewell blog, to everything, to you.

I can honestly say that for the longest time, you held a very special place in my heart. And i feel really sad, that i had to end something as special as you. It's not because, you've hurt me or anything. More of it's my fault. I became so attached to you. So i can't blame you, cause you never asked for anything more in the first place.

I kept thinking on the possibilities. But who was i kidding? Nothing more was going to happen. But i was persistent. I knew, at the back of my mind, there was no chance.. but still i held on a little piece of hope everytime we get to talk. Maybe i was expecting too much. It went on like that for quite sometime. I did try to divert my attention, but none worked.

And so, still i managed to avoid you every so often, until the feeling slowly died down. Honestly, I thought you've been avoiding me too.. hehe. Busy. Changed fone. Changed number. Those were always the reasons you kept telling me. Duh, i get it! Even if that's true, still, time's not that constrained to just work and school. Maybe i just didn't mean anything at all to you.. hehe. I just don't know. But it sure helped, I felt like for the past couple of months, the person i once knew slowly faded out into someone i don't know at all. Everything about you's been really difficult.

So i thought that if i don't see you pop out more often, maybe i'd forget. I was left thinking with that one last option.. to totally rid you out of my life. Erase every means for us to communicate. And so i started deleting. Started with your messages, then your number, then on ym, and finally here. I kept on second guessing on erasing you, cause even if it became like this, there were many times we've shared happy.. good laughs and being open bout each other. But then again i thought that this cycle just had to stop and so the hardest click i made on our pc's mouse happened last nyt 11:00pm to be exact.

Don't get mad at me please. I wanted to tell you this alot of times before but i just wasn't able to find the right timing. Anyways, I'm still your friend if you still want me to. I just want to clear myself from all the hurt, so there'd be enough space for me to breathe.

I wrote this blog entry (italized below) weeks ago. I was supposed to publish this, but it just didn't feel like the right time. But now, i'm ready to take whatever reaction i'd get from you.

By the time you'll get to read this, i know that i've finally found peace, in a comfortable place without you. So this last time, i would like to be completely honest with you.

I MISS YOU.. MORE THAN YOU OR ANYONE WILL EVER KNOW.
there's so much in you, that i've grown so fond with..

i miss how you share snippets of your life through photosharing..
i miss SEX the acronym..
i miss how you used to ask me for advises and share with me how you were feeling..
i miss how you kept telling me i was and will only be your out friend..
i miss how you used to call and the background was always noisy cause your brother was playing music..
i miss how we used to share music..
i miss how we talk nonsense for hours and joke around..
i miss how we used to call ourselves JON & MARIEL.. hehe
i miss how we planned our weddings.. palawan with the purple and black motif.. haha
i miss how you used to be so sweet and caring..
i miss how you used to assume that i missed you, when the fact is i really do
i miss the times you kept on asking me if i was already in love with you.. and i never gave you a decent answer..
i miss how you kept on calling me 'pre' even when i didn't like it..

there's so much more i miss about you.. bottomline is.. I MISS YOU.
i'm sorry if i became like this.

THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME.. :]