LAST

So here I go again, writing on the only place my heart feels solace.

I wrote this a day after the last time we’ve met and I intended to tell you this personally. I was just trying to muster up enough courage but it’s crazy how short of a time things can change. And at this point, I don’t think telling you this personally will matter. So here goes..

Hei [name]! I feel like I’d lose it if I don’t let this out. Remember when we watched Alice? That time, I really wished I could’ve held your hand but I was just way too shy and afraid at how you may react if I held you. I kept looking at you, because looking at you smiling and happy made me extremely happy as well. It’s just that being with you made me so happy. I never tire of letting you know that because that’s just the way it is and has been for the past few days we’ve spent together. Everything with you feels extremely sweet and special.

I have a secret. I never told you this, but way back when we first knew of each other, when you told me you liked reading the stuff that I wrote, I had this super crush on you. I used to browse over your page and just had this irresistible kilig feeling everytime I saw your photos, especially those chin-up photos. Hehe! You were so easy and nice to converse with plus you can relate to what I was going through with the board exams and all. Maybe, the feeling just elevated into something more after being with you for a couple of days.

I really want to thank you, for all the wonderful memories. From treating me pizza in yellow cab to driving and figuring out which way to go around the city, running around and working out in the gym, watching you mimic dance revo steps (which I found very cute.. hehe), introducing me to your favorite area in Gmall, watching Alice in Red Carpet and going out of your way to stay out late to be with me. Like what you told me, “I could not have spent my time better nor would I have chosen any other person to have spent it with. Promise”.

Well anyways, I know you are just being friendly and you made that clear to me everytime you text and refer to me as your friend. I just needed a dose of reality to finally convince myself that the feeling is not mutual.
…

I left it there. Got overwhelmed by it all I guess.

You know, I just don’t understand how one day everything seemed okay between us, and then the next you suddenly stopped texting and replying to my messages. I wish you’d at least tell me why. I still wish we’d see each other before I leave for Cebu even if that would be the last time for us to meet and talk. I won’t care if it’ll just take 10 or 5 minutes, I just want to see you.

I really miss you.