ON OUR 2ND

We are about to mark our second month of forever.

FOREVER. A friend told me once that it's crazy to dream of having forever with the person you're in a relationship with. I begged to differ. Yes, I believe that each one of us deserve our fairytale endings, our happy ever afters. I'm a sap. I hold on to the slightest chance of being eternally happy with that right person. The problem is, how can you tell if that person is the one for you?

Well, for me, we can't. But, we can always try to be that perfect someone. Right?
I mean, we don't necessarily have to be literally perfect, that would be totally ridiculous and untrue. But we can always try to be sincere, be there for that person when he's down for the time being, when he's tired, stressed out, alone. We can always stay loyal, patient and understanding. We can always make that person feel like he's the only guy who holds your heart.

Well anyways, that's just how i see things. And that what I want things to be between us. I don't expect him to be the same for me but that's who I want to be for him.

Call me crazy, martyr, trying too hard, but that's me when in love. I try my best to make things work, even if the whole world will continue saying how things just couldn't work between us. I will still be that person who'll never quit and back down without fighting for that someone worth my heart. I will always be that someone who'll never tire of going the extra mile just to make that person happy.

Sometimes, though, things become painful. Extremely painful. When you feel like all your efforts are underappreciated and you're misunderstood at times. When you do the slightest mistake and he gets mad at you and not talk to you for an entire day. Sakit. When you feel like things are just not the same as it was back when things were fresh and both of you just can't get enough of each other. Hehe. I can just smile at the thought of how things used to be.

And then there are fears. I fear that anytime, he can just leave me. That anytime, he can just take me for granted and leave me for someone else. I fear that I just love him too much.

But then again, I realized that I love him too much just too walk away from the love beacuse of the pain and the fears. I know that those are just part of being in the relationship. All I need to do, is to remind myself of the reasons why I'm doing all of this for him. To remind myself of all the things that makes me happy when I am with him.


Just those three words. Everytime he says 'I love you', I just melt. The thing is, everytime he tells me those three beautiful words, I believe him. I leave no room for doubts just love. “The little things you do to me are taking over” I want to let him know how happy he makes me. I just love how he reminds me to eat to my heart’s content, to sleep early so I can get plenty of rest to cope with stress from work. How he tells me to constantly take care of myself. He makes me feel special, tells me I’m his favorite, that he’s proud of me, that he loves me very much. I can go on but if I will, I might not be able to finish this blog entry. Bottomline is, he's the one who keeps me at my happiest.

Goi, you make me happy.. and I love you so much for it.

I must admit, this hasn't been easy for the two of us. But like you always tell me, we have to be strong. I will forever hold on to what we have.

Knowing you was, is and always will be the best thing that happened in my life so far. I love you Goi.

LAST

So here I go again, writing on the only place my heart feels solace.

I wrote this a day after the last time we’ve met and I intended to tell you this personally. I was just trying to muster up enough courage but it’s crazy how short of a time things can change. And at this point, I don’t think telling you this personally will matter. So here goes..

Hei [name]! I feel like I’d lose it if I don’t let this out. Remember when we watched Alice? That time, I really wished I could’ve held your hand but I was just way too shy and afraid at how you may react if I held you. I kept looking at you, because looking at you smiling and happy made me extremely happy as well. It’s just that being with you made me so happy. I never tire of letting you know that because that’s just the way it is and has been for the past few days we’ve spent together. Everything with you feels extremely sweet and special.

I have a secret. I never told you this, but way back when we first knew of each other, when you told me you liked reading the stuff that I wrote, I had this super crush on you. I used to browse over your page and just had this irresistible kilig feeling everytime I saw your photos, especially those chin-up photos. Hehe! You were so easy and nice to converse with plus you can relate to what I was going through with the board exams and all. Maybe, the feeling just elevated into something more after being with you for a couple of days.

I really want to thank you, for all the wonderful memories. From treating me pizza in yellow cab to driving and figuring out which way to go around the city, running around and working out in the gym, watching you mimic dance revo steps (which I found very cute.. hehe), introducing me to your favorite area in Gmall, watching Alice in Red Carpet and going out of your way to stay out late to be with me. Like what you told me, “I could not have spent my time better nor would I have chosen any other person to have spent it with. Promise”.

Well anyways, I know you are just being friendly and you made that clear to me everytime you text and refer to me as your friend. I just needed a dose of reality to finally convince myself that the feeling is not mutual.
…

I left it there. Got overwhelmed by it all I guess.

You know, I just don’t understand how one day everything seemed okay between us, and then the next you suddenly stopped texting and replying to my messages. I wish you’d at least tell me why. I still wish we’d see each other before I leave for Cebu even if that would be the last time for us to meet and talk. I won’t care if it’ll just take 10 or 5 minutes, I just want to see you.

I really miss you.