THE STORY SO FAR

It was about a year ago.
Do you remember how we first knew each other?

From the moment i saw your photo on my friend's fone, i was already attracted to you. I asked my friend if i could talk to you or at least text you. It was funny, cause all of us in the group at that time went into a frenzy when they started dialing your number using my fone. Eventually you answered, and i was too shy to talk to you, so i handed my fone to our common friend and she introduced me to you. That was it. I was able to say my demurest 'hi'. We had a very very short conversation and after that i never really expected to hear anything from you.

That afternoon, while my friends and I went on our separate ways, I remember I was in ayala at that time when you shocked me with a text. You said you wanted to get to know me better and asked for my ym id. I obliged, who wouldn't, right? I remember rushing home, well not really rushing, but i went home early from the mall to check on my ym. And you added me alright. That was the time when you and i started gaining trust from each other. I was being my usual humorous self and you were not bad at being funny yourself. I remember pretty well, you kept on saying 'ewww' on the silly jokes we've made. We even exchanged pictures and you trusted me well enough, that you allowed me to view pictures of you cross-dressing for a school related event. It was then you told me, i am the only 'out' friend that you have and you said that I will be the only one.

One, two, days gone by and you were frequently calling me on my fone and you opened up on personal matters. You even cried one time, remember? That time, i never really allowed my feelings to take over. I constantly told myself never to fall. I knew you were straight, you kept on affirming that you are plus you have your girlfriend. So i never really entertained thoughts of us together. I was trying to be a good friend and tried not to interfere with anything aside from helping you and your relationship get on the right track.

I was there though it all. You kept on trying to fix your relationship, but it just wasn't working till you finally got the strength to move on. For some people, it was an opportunity to turn things around to their advantage, but not me. I just kept on being the friend that i was. Our conversations had no more 'ewwws', and everything began to turn sweet. It was then that i realized that my feelings elevated into something both of us didn't want. You made it hard for me to avoid falling for you. So there.

Weeks, months passed. Then things started to get complicated. We already had short arguments, but it didn't really matter cause you always tried to make me feel all better. It frustrates me that you seem to have your way with me. Then doubts, questions, started sprouting. I started over-thinking again. You started to confuse me. There were times when i thought i'd finally get over you. But i don't know, you're just too hard to resist.

If i could count the times you've hurt me, it won't really matter, cause fact is, you've made me so happy more than sad. I never really told you anything about this. I know you've asked me countless number of times if i was falling for you, but never did i give you a decent answer. I just couldn't. I'm not yet ready to take the risk. I'm too afraid of losing you. Actually, i prepared something, my kind of tell-all to you, i'm just waiting for the right opportunity to give it to you.

What about now?
I still don't know what to think. I know you are already happy with and without me. We could have seen each other, when you came here, twice. But time didn't allow that to happen. Maybe that's just how it's going to be. I don't know if there are still chances for us to ever meet again. I'm not hoping anymore like i used to. I just need to stop hoping and think about myself for a change.

I need to get myself back together.