THE STORY SO FAR

It was about a year ago.
Do you remember how we first knew each other?

From the moment i saw your photo on my friend's fone, i was already attracted to you. I asked my friend if i could talk to you or at least text you. It was funny, cause all of us in the group at that time went into a frenzy when they started dialing your number using my fone. Eventually you answered, and i was too shy to talk to you, so i handed my fone to our common friend and she introduced me to you. That was it. I was able to say my demurest 'hi'. We had a very very short conversation and after that i never really expected to hear anything from you.

That afternoon, while my friends and I went on our separate ways, I remember I was in ayala at that time when you shocked me with a text. You said you wanted to get to know me better and asked for my ym id. I obliged, who wouldn't, right? I remember rushing home, well not really rushing, but i went home early from the mall to check on my ym. And you added me alright. That was the time when you and i started gaining trust from each other. I was being my usual humorous self and you were not bad at being funny yourself. I remember pretty well, you kept on saying 'ewww' on the silly jokes we've made. We even exchanged pictures and you trusted me well enough, that you allowed me to view pictures of you cross-dressing for a school related event. It was then you told me, i am the only 'out' friend that you have and you said that I will be the only one.

One, two, days gone by and you were frequently calling me on my fone and you opened up on personal matters. You even cried one time, remember? That time, i never really allowed my feelings to take over. I constantly told myself never to fall. I knew you were straight, you kept on affirming that you are plus you have your girlfriend. So i never really entertained thoughts of us together. I was trying to be a good friend and tried not to interfere with anything aside from helping you and your relationship get on the right track.

I was there though it all. You kept on trying to fix your relationship, but it just wasn't working till you finally got the strength to move on. For some people, it was an opportunity to turn things around to their advantage, but not me. I just kept on being the friend that i was. Our conversations had no more 'ewwws', and everything began to turn sweet. It was then that i realized that my feelings elevated into something both of us didn't want. You made it hard for me to avoid falling for you. So there.

Weeks, months passed. Then things started to get complicated. We already had short arguments, but it didn't really matter cause you always tried to make me feel all better. It frustrates me that you seem to have your way with me. Then doubts, questions, started sprouting. I started over-thinking again. You started to confuse me. There were times when i thought i'd finally get over you. But i don't know, you're just too hard to resist.

If i could count the times you've hurt me, it won't really matter, cause fact is, you've made me so happy more than sad. I never really told you anything about this. I know you've asked me countless number of times if i was falling for you, but never did i give you a decent answer. I just couldn't. I'm not yet ready to take the risk. I'm too afraid of losing you. Actually, i prepared something, my kind of tell-all to you, i'm just waiting for the right opportunity to give it to you.

What about now?
I still don't know what to think. I know you are already happy with and without me. We could have seen each other, when you came here, twice. But time didn't allow that to happen. Maybe that's just how it's going to be. I don't know if there are still chances for us to ever meet again. I'm not hoping anymore like i used to. I just need to stop hoping and think about myself for a change.

I need to get myself back together.

BROKEN

How could you leave me broken

I can say I erased you from my mind and never think of you
And forget about the friends we made, if thats what I need to do
I can act like the only way that you exist is in a dream
Its the only way out of my reality

I can change the channel everytime our favorite show comes on
And get mad at the radio 'cause they just played your favorite song
I could find another guy and try to love you out of my life
But it just gets harder everytime we try

Ohh thats why I'm... broken
And it's hurting me boy cuz you just left me.. broken
And because of you I dont know if I can love again
But I cant believe boy that this is the end (this is the end)
Be together once again 'cause boy I'm broken

How could you leave me broken

I can take the pictures that we took and throw them all away
And every letter that you wrote boy I want to forget what you had to say
'Cause I could never understand what you did to me on that day
That's the only part I wish I could replace

If I had a choice, baby you'd still be right here with me
And if you give me a voice, baby i'd tell you I dont want you to leave
'Cause boy I'm broken

Don't wanna feel this way again
I can find another man
I don't wanna be broken
___________________

I need to get over you... :c

JUST STAND UP [LIVE]

Thank God for cable! I was really anticipating to see the divas perform. The number gave me chills! Though it wasn't quite what i expected to see, it certainly didn't disappoint. Leann and Melissa Etheridge wasn't around but Nicole Scherzinger was. (is that how her last name's supposed to be spelled? haha!) Well anyways, here's the clip from their performance.




And oh, btw, Miley's part, still for me, didn't quite fit in. I mean, c'mon let's face it, all of them are already established divas with great voices to match but her's was just 'thru whatevah!' Haha! I'm no Miley hater, in fact, I really like her, but she just seemed to be out of place among those performers. Well maybe they needed her to catch the young audiences for the cause which is totally not a bad thing at all. :]

Anyhoo, according to lye (my dear friend).. watch out for OUR performances for Stand Up 4 AIDS! lol! just kidding! cheer-ree-yoos!

THE QUESTION

"in love ka na sa'kin noh?"


still can't find the right words for an answer.. :c

AREN'T THEY THE CUTEST?

Wall-E hearts Eva!

I really wanted to see this movie on the big screen, but sadly I didn't have the time. Good thing Jenny was able to download via torrent a clear copy of the movie and stored it on her iPod. Haha! And so, i was able to watch it while attending our review session on law (talk about multitasking.. haha).

Well anyways, as always Disney and Pixar delivered an awesome animated movie. Though the first few minutes of the movie bored me, the rest left me wanting for more. It was funny, romantic and exciting all at the same time. I really liked how the movie was able to place real emotions on the robots (Wall-e and Eva were a match made in heaven, make that universe! sooo cute!). Also, never in my life have i seen a cockroach as cute as Wall-e's buddy! haha! But no, my perspective still hasn't change, cockroaches are one of the grosses, most disgusting creatures ever! haha!

Anyhoo, i also love the song that Wall-e kept on playing. "It Only Takes A Moment", originally from Hello Dolly. So romantic. Ehem.. excerpts:

..and that is all
that love's about
and we'll recall when time runs out

that it only took a moment
to be loved a whole life long..

How i wish someone would also hold my hand while that song's being played.

MR. DREAM BOY

August 15, 2008

It was as if all the stars in the sky aligned to make this day one of the happiest days of my life.
I met, up close and personal, my super crush Jon Avila! (yeah.. he's worth blogging about. haha. ;p)

I attended my review the morning, and was texting Sandy, excited on her arrival from Manila for a weekend visit. Her first reply was that she was on the same waiting area as Jon on the airport which made me so envious. And so, after the 3rd or 4th exchange of text messages, she wasn't able to response anymore, which I'm guessing, meant she was already on board the plane. An hour later, she texted me again and exclaimed that she and Jon have boarded the same flight except that they were on different rows, but even though, it made me even more jealous. But on the other hand, it only meant one thing, Jon was in Cebu!

Lunchtime! The thought of Jon in Cebu got me so excited prompting me to text my co-diva Lionel on the sitch, just to let him know our uber crush was on the same island. Haha. What came through my mind that time, was that maybe Jon has a gig the day after at some mall like Ayala or SM. So we have to make sure that by the end of the afternoon, we know where he's going to be.

After having my usual lunch of 'chili con carne' at one of the few decent dining spots in colon, our usual lunchplace Greenwich, Janson and I decided to get our NBI Clearances which we filed days ago. And as soon as the jeepney we rode passed by the Robinson's, my heart was just flipping out like crazy! There it was, on that simple yet adorable tarpaulin, March 15, 2008 | 2:30pm | Meet and Greet Jon Avila" My hand was then moving like crazy, grabbing both my fones and texting, calling frends about it. It was like information dissemination frenzy! Haha!

When we arrived at NBI 1:30pm, I was able to convince Janson to go with me to the event, as well as Sweet who worked on a building beside the mall, and Armand, sad to say Lionel had prior commitments and was not able to make it. By 2:30 Janson and I arrived at the event, held in the supermarket! Which was a huge plus for us, because the place wasn't crowded at all. We were a tad late though, but we didn't worry much because we were still only a few steps away from my one and only love! Haha!

He was sitting near the first counter with a small desk (for autograph signing) and a bottle of mineral water. The catch was that, the fans had to purchase grocery items like tide, downy, pringles, and etc. And while i was tugging Janson, making kulit on buying pringles (alangan naman kung tide..), all of a sudden, a super kind lady heard me and offered her receipt! We kinda talked awhile, gave her my super thank yous and immediately proceeded to the information counter to have it exchanged for a numbered card which served as our ticket to meet and greet my love. Haha! And then came Armand with his never failing Nikon Camera and we snapped our way back to the booth.

And so, what else happened but our lovely time with him. It was less than 5 minutes and we had our pictures taken with him and as we moved on to give other fans their moments, he said in his accented voice "thank you guys!" Wahaha! I felt like fainting! haha! And so while I was blissfully watching him on the sides, time to time, taking his gorgeous pics, recording a short video of him singing 'Ngiti', I came to the realization that my afternoon was fulfilled. Hahaha!

After he left, we proceeded on helping Janson get his LCR at the City Health and afterwards chilled at Ayala Center and met up with Lionel. The End. Next stop, Enchong Dee!

I'm such a FANATIC! haha.. ;]

HE BLEW IT

Was there ever a chance in your life when you felt like something so simple would mean so much to you? I think all of us have had fair shares of those moments. I would have had.. days ago, but it never happened. And it never will.

Here's the story, days ago, i was really excited because after years of keeping my friendster account, it was about to achieve it's 1000th comment/testimonial. The thing was, i wanted my 1000th comment to be special, to have meaning, and i wanted someone to fill that spot. I know, the idea sounds soo silly, but then again, that's how i am. I am really easy to please.

So what happened was, when it turned 999, i became cautious, and too excited that i asked him if he could do the pleasure of filling it up for me. I was hoping, expecting. But nothing came. Not even a single letter. The day after, still nothing. No pending comments. At that point, i stopped expecting. I was hurt. Something as silly as that would have meant soo much to me. But he never did take the opportunity to make it happen. Tsk. Bummer.

Well, he had his chance and he blew it. Bigtime.

Now, someone has taken his supposed spot. And i'm fine with it. Some things are just not meant to be. I'm still talking to him. I don't want the friendship to end. But the feeling's not there anymore. I hope. Seriously, he's not that important to me anymore. I'm just trying not to care.